Abandon Ship: A Fresh Start
by SASundance
Summary: What if Tony DiNozzo didn't return to NCIS at the end of season 10 because he decided it was time to start over. He found that starting over wasn't nearly as simple as he thought it would be. Tony-centric , OCs domestic abuse, dubious consent, major character death, suicide
1. Chapter 1

Warnings: If you are a big fan of Gibbs, Ziva or McGee and see them as paragons of virtue then you should give this series (3) of stories a miss. Don't say I didn't warn you!

This first story contains triggers for suicide and domestic violence including dubious consent. There is also an major character death. Discretion advised.

AN. This is the first of three short companion pieces that I have written. I can't really say much about this or the other stories without giving too much away at this stage. I will say that this series is totally different from everything I've done you can see from the warning it isn't a light and fluffy story by any means so I won't say I hope you enjoy reading it. There are five parts that I hope to post every day.

Credits: Thanks to Arress for the Beta and Frakkin Toasters for all the feedback. Oh and if reviewers could refrain from giving spoilers, I'd be mighty grateful to them just this once :)

Abandon Ship: A Fresh Start

15th May 2016

As Tony stared down at the sleeping child, he knew that despite all of his doubts over the last few years, he hadn't made the worst mistake of my life. How could he accept that the last three years since he left NCIS was a mistake when he had such a beautiful daughter and in a few weeks would have another daughter, too? Surely, no one was as blessed as he was. And it wasn't as if he deserved such precious babies, so while life hadn't exactly been a bed of roses, to wish that he hadn't left his job to get married was tantamount to denying his daughter and knowing what it felt like to be an afterthought to his parents' addictions he'd rather cut off his right arm.

He watched fondly as little Aviva Clare DiNozzo stirred, turning over in her sleep, her fat, dimpled hand migrating to her mouth as her thumb ended up in her mouth as she settled again. Frowning since her mother didn't like her child sucking her thumb and would scold her for it, Tony felt a tiny bit of irritation since Vivy was only 18 months old and he didn't have a problem with her acting like a baby. Neither her mother nor he were permitted much of a normal childhood growing up, and he was going to make sure that didn't happen to his own kids. He would protect them, come what may.

Sighing, he stood up knowing that he had a lot to do. The laundry was waiting and he'd have to start thinking about dinner soon. Hopefully, he would redeem himself for last night's disaster when the fish ended up dry and unappetising. You'd think he'd remember not to cook something that would spoil so easily, but she'd called saying she'd be home on time and then turned up two hours late. But as she pointed out, Tony wasn't the smartest guy around, so it wasn't surprising he'd screw up something as simple as dinner. Tony had decided to make a slow cooked casserole tonight, so even if she comes home late, it should still be moist and flavoursome.

He just need to remember not to take it personally, remember that she was heavily pregnant and that was enough to make anyone feel out of sorts. Tony really wish that she'd taken longer between Vivy's pregnancy and this one, but as she pointed out, she wanted the children to be close in age, and more importantly, he was already too old to be a father so they need to complete the family as quickly as possible. He just hated her having such a hard time carrying his child – the first few months were fine. She was so happy; something that has proved elusive after her father's death a few years ago.

She really struggled with it and he didn't think that she had come anywhere near accepting it – it seems to have dredged up a whole heap of other shit and, despite what he considered his pitiful attempts to support her, she's been in a really dark place. Tony always knew that she had a darkness in her soul, but now she was mired in guilt and anger and couldn't seem to find her way out. The so called black dog caught up with her again at 20 weeks, not long after her check-up. He was hoping that she'd feel better after their daughter was born and she was able to go back to doing her punishing physical workouts again.

He was hopeful that when she decided to return to her old job again that it was a sign she had found herself or had at least resigned herself to the fact that you can't go back and change the past. Perhaps it wasn't resolution, but it was a sign that she was moving on. So far though, it didn't seem to be working, maybe because there were too many ghosts, maybe it was because she was such a fitness junkie and has to curtail her preferred way of working out because it was dangerous for the baby. At first she was fine, but by the fifth month she was climbing the walls and taking out her frustrations on those around her. It must be frustrating the shit out of her, so he was trying to be patient. Luckily, most of the time Vivy was out of the firing line.

Tony wished that he was able to fix the situation or at least not annoy her so much. He was trying hard not to set her off, but it wasn't enough – especially when he made dumb mistakes like ruining the fish. He didn't mean to – he tried to make sure everything was perfect for her when she came home, but he was always doing something stupid. At least when she took out her anger on him, she didn't pick on Aviva though. He'd started taking her to the park for several hours each day to tire the active noisy toddler out, since it was hard raising a child in an apartment and insisting she always be quiet.

So, he took her out into the fresh air where the little girl could run around and burn off her boundless DiNozzo energy and then be quiet, usually, when her mother came home. Luckily, she had the sunniest of personalities, with a toothy grin that lit up his heart. Vivy was an extremely well behaved toddler, but she also wasn't some freaky Stepford child, and Tony was glad about that – it wasn't normal not to have the odd tantrum or two and not to make noise or make a mess.

So, without fail, he made sure they went to the park every day and, fortunately, there were very few days where the weather prevented them for doing so. Tony combining the outing with his own exercise regime, running the three miles to his preferred park with Vivy in her baby buggy or on alternate days cycling to a different playground, nearly ten miles away. He'd let himself go - had started getting fat and disgusting. He really couldn't blame her that she taunted him about it when she was frustrated and out of sorts. After all, she was toned and taut and he was batting well above his class division when he married her, so he was determined to get into shape so she wasn't ashamed to be seen with him anymore. It wasn't as if Cate and Gibbs hadn't tried to point it out to him either, even Ducky had grabbed his pizza and refused to let him eat it, but he hadn't listened to him and had let himself go.

As he prepared chicken cacciatore for her and fixed a salad for himself, he thought about how he'd come to leave NCIS. Although he went back briefly after resigning to save Gibbs' career, it struck him that nothing had changed at all. In the three months following his resignation, he decided that Parsons had a point. Gibbs never let the law get in the way of doing what he decided needed to be done, and he'd gone along with it because he hero-worshipped Gibbs. He was like a wide-eyed kid who thinks his father is Superman who's invincible and can do no wrong. But three months of solitude gave him a fresh perspective and then, as his apartment got shot up, Tony suddenly found himself caught up in more of the same old same old.

Same old secrets and lies, terrorist plots, and revenge. Same old being left out of the loop as Gibbs went haring off to save the world on a need to know basis – and he didn't need to know apparently – well, until whatever Gibbs was up to that he didn't need to know almost got Tony killed. It was getting old, and then there was the fact that the attempt on his life, which destroyed his apartment, put everyone else in his building at risk just to get to him.

He'd called McGee to warn him, narrowly averting Tim getting shot too. That's when Tony discovered Gibbs had been back stateside and hadn't bothered to make contact. Had been back from yet another of his 'Gibbs single-handedly averts another world crisis', had actually been back for a while, knew they were potential targets and hadn't even bothered to give them a heads up.

So, when Tony learnt that Ziva was in danger and had disappeared, he couldn't walk away. She was still a part of his family and he couldn't just ignore her because she wasn't working at NCIS anymore, despite the whole Eli and Bodnar crapola. Meanwhile, the MCRT, sans Ziva, had returned to what figured as normal. Even after the wakeup call, Tony decided that Gibbs would never change, had no reason to do so, but Tony decided that it didn't mean that he couldn't. So, as he searched for Ziva and the weeks went by, he decided he needed a fresh start... once he found his former teammate and made sure she was okay.

It was like he needed the time away from the team to realise that he had to leave before the job ate him up like it had done with Gibbs. While he still cared about everyone at NCIS, he had to do what was right for him. Leaving and starting over seemed like the only way to save Tony DiNozzo.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N So just a few things. I have been wanting to write this story for a long while now but the spate of homicides from domestic violence in Oz during the past month was one of the reasons why I finally did. I do believe that the Tony character who would stop a bullet for his team mates or give his live to save a perfect stranger would volunteer for me make him suffer for a few chapters of abuse to raise awareness of such an important issue. Just to be clear – there will be no death of children in this story. My warning should have read major character death, not original character – my bad… that's what happens when you post late at night. :( I got it right on the other site thankfully.

Some people commented that Tony seemed out of character but even the strongest of individuals can find themselves in an abusive situation give the wrong set of circumstances. Tony might not seem to fit the stereotypical portrayal of a domestic violence victim but actually he ticks quite a few high risk behaviours/ environmental factors. He is a child of addicts, his pathological self-blaming and willingness to forgive other, his need to have a family and the fact he puts up with everyone else's crap at work. It isn't that surprising that he would leave one toxic situation and end up in another.

Second thing - yes in the first couple of chapters he is a doormat but people who are abused often have to hit rock bottom before they stop fooling themselves about what is happening. Actually, I don't see that his behaviour is that much exaggerated than how he is with his team - it is more that in a diffeent setting it seems much more exaggerated. Much will be revealed in chapter 3 – including who he married and how he ended up in such an abusive relationship and what it is that precipitated his decision to fight back because he wouldn't be Tony if he didn't. This chapter is hard to read but I didn't wump a character like Tony who is already such a doormat in the show without a damned good reason and certainly not for gratuitous entertainment or titilation.

Thanks for the reviews and as always thanks to Arress for the beta. (An a spoiler – as a huge Tony fan she wouldn't let me kill him or let him be permanently harmed.) Finally, I plan to post chapter 3 concurrently as I didn't get to post a chapter yesterday.

Chapter 2

25th October 2016

Tony sat Vivy in her highchair and gave her snack of cut up fruit, planting a big sloppy kiss on her cheek that made her giggle gleefully. They were just back from the park and he popped four-month-old Sarah Aurora DiNozzo, 'Rory', into her baby bouncer while he retrieved a bottle of cold water from the fridge to rehydrate. With two kids, he'd had to give up riding his bike to the park – he got up at dark o'clock to get in his bike riding now, knowing that his girls were sleeping and safe as he worked out. Even though he'd dropped weight, over thirty pound so far, it hadn't staunched the flow of derogatory comments about his appearance.

He wasn't exactly a fat lazy slob anymore, but he also wasn't ripped or hard bodied either. His body was soft and weak, and she'd always been turned on by extreme physical strength and muscles, so he'd started pumping iron as well as maintaining his cardiovascular workout. He'd never been a fan of pumping iron, even when he was playing college football and basketball – found it boring, but if it made her happy, then it was good for their family. He used to put his body on the line to protect his teammates from bullets and knives – this wasn't really any different. He'd do anything for his family.

As Vivy put a piece of apple into her mouth and grinned, revealing several teeth he could see that she would be crashing soon. The chubby fist ghosting over her eyes, the heavy eyelids and yawning suggesting that she was tired. But it was the tugging on her ear that confirmed her readiness to sleep; for some reason she always did it when she was tired.

Hopefully, Viv and Rory would both go down together and sleep for a while so he could finish up the housework. Somehow, it was much harder to keep the apartment spotless when there were two kids to look after. He'd really hoped that when their second child was born, their mother would feel better. At least she'd been able to resume her punishing regime of martial arts training that always seemed to calm her down, although these days it was always a temporary fix, unfortunately.

Tony had to work hard to make sure that the children didn't set her off and ensure that the apartment was perfectly ordered since it didn't take much to get her going. Her mood hadn't improved since Sarah's birth, even though she had set out to reclaim her pre-baby body back again by immediately setting up a punishing exercise schedule around her work. So, it was entirely predictable that she wasn't getting enough sleep and was therefore short tempered with them. He just had to make sure that they were patient and everything went smoothly when she got home so they didn't make her mad.

Although she had breast fed Aviva for a few months, she insisted she couldn't feed Sarah, that she was too busy at work. She said she couldn't be leaking all over the place during meetings. That in her male orientated workplace it would be viewed as weakness. Although to be honest, Tony thought that was more of an excuse since she seemed to find their baby daughter irritating – even when she was asleep. At first Tony thought she was suffering from postpartum depression and tried to get her to see a doctor, but after a massive argument which he lost, he didn't dare mention it to her again.

Then six weeks after giving birth to little Sarah, she'd decreed that they were going to have a third child as they must have a male child. Tony disagreed, maintaining that they needed to wait and let Sarah settle in, but she was insistent, cruelly taunting him that the only reason they'd had two girls was that Tony wasn't enough of a man, that his sperm was weak and time was rapidly running out for him to be able to sire a male child. It was then that he had one of those epiphanies where he realised she actually resented Sarah for being a girl. Apparently, she saw it as her duty to produce a male heir and felt that Tony had let her down for not giving her a boy. Personally, he was delighted to have two perfect little girls, just as he would have been delighted to have a son and a daughter, too, or two boys.

He finally agreed that they could try for a third child, since he hoped that if they had a boy this time, her relationship with Sarah would improve. While he still wasn't sure that it was a good idea, he had a feeling that it didn't really matter if he agreed or not, she'd still get her way. He didn't admit it to himself, but subconsciously he figured if he was seen as a serious impediment to her plan for a boy, then he'd simply be removed from the equation. And where would that leave Vivy and Rory, his two precious little princesses? Besides, it was hard to argue that he'd let her down since it is the man that determines the baby's sex, so therefore it was his failure that she hadn't had the son she longed for to make her feel complete. He was an abject failure as a man if he couldn't give her something so simple to make her happy and ensure their family was safe.

It became her obsession. She searched the internet to find ways of conceiving a boy and their existence revolved around the quest to make a male baby. He wasn't allowed to wear briefs, only boxers; in fact, she burned all his briefs. No wearing of Lycra bike shorts or tight jeans, either. No hot showers or hot tubs, and intercourse was confined to a short window of opportunity just before and slightly after she ovulated.

A few years ago if someone told him that he'd be happy to hear that he was only going to have sex once a month, he'd have laughed in their face, but he was actually relieved. Sex with her on a good day was an ordeal, because although she had a libido that would leave a testosterone driven jock for dead and needed to have sex every day, sometimes more, she was turned off by his body and would make derogatory comments about it when they had intercourse. He refused to call it making love because there was precious little emotional connection – more the wham bam thank you man, but definitely light on the gratitude.

Often she would wait til he was sleeping before initiating sex, and Tony decided that it was because by the time he was properly awake, she had already gotten off and didn't need to engage with him or have him fight his natural inclination to touch her or take control. She always had to be in control, not just for sex either, and hated it if he tried to be tender to her. Although she was a pain junkie and liked rough sex, she refused to let him inflict pain or even restrain her when he offered, even though he'd never really been into all that crap.

He wasn't sure if it was something she did with her previous partners and it was just him that she couldn't bear letting go with or if it was a generalised issue. Sometimes when her mood was especially dark, he would pretend to be asleep even when he wasn't, just to have it over and done with as quickly as possible. The only time when he was ever able to hold her was when she was sleeping really deeply and she would curl into him, but if she woke up in his arms, he always paid for it the next day.

So, Tony was thankful that her obsession to produce a baby boy would mean that sex was only going to be a once a month ordeal. Although the first month was a nightmare as her temper became increasingly short tempered. Come time to do the deed, there was so much riding on his performance that he felt he was drowning in expectations and his fear of what would happen if he failed to live up to her expectations again. It was timed to the nth degree, like a military mission – she forced him to swallow what seemed like half a gallon of the strongest coffee imaginable half an hour beforehand to make sure his male sperm were well and truly awake and reached their target first. Meanwhile, she gulped down cough syrup, supposedly because it thinned the mucosa of the cervix and let his pathetically weak Y sperm reach their target without petering out prematurely.

And speaking of prematurely petering[HT1] out, it was apparently important that she climaxed at least once and it normally wasn't an issue, especially after a month of abstinence. Normally… but she was so short tempered that Tony was feeling nervous about setting off her hair-trigger temper and he was definitely feeling the pressure to perform. Plus, she'd insisted that it be done doggy style so he could achieve the deep penetration all the information she'd consumed during her research insisted would increase her chances. But because she asserted his elderly sperm needed as much help as they could get, she insisted that they do it with her kneeling on cushions.

The rationale behind it being that her head was lower than her hips letting gravity help his boy swimmers reach her cervix faster. Apart from all the added pressure, trying to ignore her screaming at him to go deeper so that they didn't have another girl had ended up with him knocking her off the damned cushions, resulting in her screaming at him for being such a fuckup. It had been a real mood killer and, when finally the deed had been done, he couldn't help thinking that using a turkey baster might have been a hell of a lot easier. He was pretty sure it would have been a lot more enjoyable!

When she didn't get pregnant the first month, he'd suggested conceiving a male baby using IVF, but had been shot down with derogatory comments about his inability to make a baby. He put it down to her lack of sex, but it didn't explain why she'd refused to have IVF to create a boy, yet he didn't dare rock the boat. While he was used to being a relief valve for Gibbs and his temper for years, his wife was much more volatile and he couldn't afford to risk getting hurt, or worse, because his girls needed him. And the break from sex didn't last long, either. It seemed that using a vibrator had gotten old quickly and she'd decided that as long as he used a condom, which she hated, it would be safe to resume having sex or, she pointed out, her vagina wasn't her only option. When the condom broke during a particularly rough encounter, she became so enraged that he thought she was going to kill him for sure this time.

Fortunately, by the time she'd douched herself within an inch of her life, she was exhausted and more concerned with achieving the orgasm 'he'd' interrupted. He'd ended up satisfying her digitally since his 'mood' was effectively killed after the scene and he had just wanted her to fall asleep as quickly as possible. After that night, he religiously checked every condom for flaws and made sure he doubled up just to be on the safe side. It wasn't just a pregnancy at the wrong time of the month Tony was worried about but his own ass, and it was the first time he'd consciously admitted it to himself.

The thing was, he honestly wasn't sure if she tried to kill him that he'd be able to raise his hand to her and defend himself. He'd always had a problem hurting women physically; yes, he'd shot them before when he'd had no choice, but hand to hand combat was something else and smacked of bullying and abusiveness to use his superior strength against a woman, no matter what the provocation.

Then there was the fact that if it came down to it, when it came to the mother of his children, if she was enraged, restraining her simply wouldn't be an option. It would either be her or him, and Tony didn't know if that happened and he survived, how he would look into the faces of his children every day, knowing he'd killed their mother. And yet if anything happened to him, he was terrified about what would become of his little babies.

He just had to make sure not to get into that situation in the first place. If they got pregnant and had a boy then everything would be okay, she'd have fulfilled what she saw an obligation to her father and she'd bond with Sarah and they'd be a real family.

[HT1]


	3. Chapter 3

A/N So there are answers in this chapter to how things got so out of control and finally Tony gets the wake up call he needs to begin to take charge of his life for the better.

Thanks to Arress for beta'ing and Frakkin Toasters for her feedback too.

Chapter 3

15th March 2017

Tony was watching Rory giggle as he pushed the nine-month-old on the baby swing during their daily trip to park. Vivy was riding on the toddler swing singing a nursery rhyme and he was alternating between pushing his two-year-old and Sarah as they enjoyed their daily outing to the park. He'd packed lunch for them and they were going to have a picnic today and the girls were having a wonderful time. Things had settled down to a new calm as two months ago they managed to fall pregnant and he just hoped like hell that this time he'd produced a boy since it was so freakin' important to her. He didn't want to think about what would happen if they had another girl. Maybe he should have been more insistent about using IVF to ensure this baby was a male, but he'd been afraid of her reaction if he'd pushed the issue any harder.

He never thought he'd ever say something like that, being someone who had essentially managed to take care of himself since he was 12 and had learnt to stand up for himself, but life was much more complicated now that it wasn't just himself to worry about. He had two treasures beyond measure that depended upon him now, so sometimes you simply had to swallow your pride and keep your mouth closed, no matter how much he wanted to push the boundaries. So, he backed down on the IVF issue and played safe for Vivy and Rory's sakes, even if it made no sense and he might still pay the price later on. He had no choice since if he wasn't around[HT1] to take care of them... he shuddered to think about what would become of his two little girls.

At least for the next few months their family, such as it was, had settled down into a somewhat uneasy calm as they waited to find out if their third child was the much desired boy. It was like they were in a holding pattern until the ultrasound revealed if she was carrying a boy or not. And Tony tried hard not to think about what would happen if she wasn't.

June 2017

They were having a boy. They confirmed it at the 20-week ultrasound. And Tony hoped that this would give her the peace she needed to move on now that she had fulfilled her familial duties. Mind he was personally surprised she bought into all that male heir crap. Hopefully, though, with the weight of expectation finally off her mind, they could settle down and enjoy being a family. Perhaps she'd finally bond with little Sarah, who was eleven months old already and reacted to her mother like she was a stranger.

The only storm on the horizon was that she wanted to call her son after her father and Tony was not at all happy with the idea that his son might share the same name as a monster.

August 2017

Tony finally admitted to himself that he, no his family, were in trouble. Hoping that things would get better later on, deluding himself that everything would work out, was only going to work for so long. Now he was forced to admit to himself that he was kidding himself and that he'd made the worst mistake in a long line of screw ups. Now he had to make it right.

He had to put aside his guilt for being so stupid, accept that he couldn't save everyone, but he had to protect his children because they couldn't protect themselves. He just never thought that they'd need protecting from their own mother. She had always said he was just a dumb cop and she was right he guessed, since he was so stupid not to realise that she wanted a son so she could mould him. Just like she had been moulded by her father to replace him after his death.

It had started with her determination to call their baby boy Eli, and Tony reacted negatively. So then, after he stopped throwing up and wasn't seeing double anymore, when he was able to string sentences together again, he realised that she was obsessed with creating her son in her father's image. More importantly, he finally admitted that anyone who got in her way, including him, perhaps especially him, would be ruthlessly removed. He was just lucky to have a concussion.

He always knew that she was conflicted, that her relationship with her father was complicated – seen how she went off the rails after he was killed. He knew that no good would come of her hunting down and killing Ilan Bodnar and, like a good SFA, he tried to save her from herself. But it was always going to be an impossible task in an agency where Gibbs and his friends and cronies got away with an eye for an eye vengeance on a regular basis over the years. Where the director was baying for blood after Jackie was caught in the crossfire.

He tried and failed to stop her killing Bodnar. And then after the shit hit the fan with Parsons and they resigned and Gibbs went off to save the world, he had his rose coloured glasses ripped off and he started the painful self-questioning process. Then when they had people out to kill them even when they weren't working at NCIS and Gibbs didn't have their sixes, he'd gone off to save Ziva just as he had been doing for the last eight years for her and the rest of the team. When he found her and she was so intent on not going back but finding a new path - determined to seek redemption for all that she'd done wrong as a Mossad assassin, he envied her in a way. Envied her resolve in not going back - at the first sign of trouble, he and McGee had gone running back and any hopes that things would change post Parsons died when he saw how chummy he now seemed with Gibbs, his arch nemesis from a few months before.

All the hacking, the ignoring the law, and letting select people get away with murder while Gibbs looked in the other direction would go on, and Tony realised he'd had enough. When she asked him to stay, he had thought it might be his last chance to start fresh, and being in another continent was one way for him to stay strong and stay gone. Sure, he'd had a complicated relationship with Ziva over the years, culminating in him killing her lover four years ago, which had seen their working relationship reach a whole new low; damage that they were still repairing. However, after her father's violent and unexpected death, her vulnerability and pain had brought out every last one of his protective instincts.

He knew now that being needed was the biggest turn on for him and he'd confused that with falling in love with her. That wasn't to say that he didn't love her – he loved everyone on the team and would die to protect them. But while other people thought they were the perfect couple if there hadn't been the impediment of Gibbs' Rule 12 and strongly encouraged him to take a chance, the truth was that until he had seen her in Israel, broken and desperate for redemption, he'd never thought that he might fall in love with her. He'd always flirted outrageously with her and he had always felt a sexual chemistry with her, but Tony was smart enough to know that it wasn't enough to build a long-term relationship with.

His father lusted after any pretty female and after his mother death, had remarried enough times for Tony to know that sexual attraction wasn't enough. Hell, if he needed any more convincing, there was Gibbs and his string of ex-wives, red heads, and girlfriends to act as a cautionary example. Or the fact that none of the women he dated stuck around long term so he had now illusions that if he'd had an affair with Ziva, it would have fizzled out pretty damned quickly, and even more than Rule 12, Tony never slept with a partner because it never lasted and then he had to transfer out.

It didn't mean he didn't care about her; he cared for her like a partner and a member of his NCIS family. He felt like he was the Greg to her Marcia Brady, but he also knew that while he was emotionally needy, his need to protect was equally strong. He also knew that she'd never let him look after her because in her mind it was a sign of weakness; that she would never allow herself to express vulnerability. At times Tony found himself cursing his own screwed up emotional issues that his 'type' was a feisty, capable woman who could take care of herself and yet he needed to protect and take care of his partners, and wasn't that a recipe for disaster?

A friend from OSU who was a clinical psychologist had explained that it was probably due to growing up with parents who were addicts. He'd been forced to be the parent and protect them from themselves when they were too drunk so they didn't choke on their own vomit, but that a part of him despised them for their weakness. Which was why he'd sought out strong women who could look after themselves. It was a paradox that seemed insurmountable.

Then Ziva's father died and her defences crumbled and he found himself feeling even more protective of her. Which was why he felt so desperate to save her from herself because he knew that killing Bodnar was never going to bring her the peace she needed, but he had failed to help her when she needed his help the most. He failed to stop her killing Bodnar, and he guess he felt like they'd failed to have her six... that he'd failed her. He'd broken Rule 1.

Finding her again in Israel, admiring her strength of resolve to begin again, her questioning all that she had been and done, he couldn't help but be drawn to her. She'd been different, vulnerable as evidenced by her invitation to stay with her... and he felt his protectiveness roar to life as he vowed not to fail her a second time. And they weren't partners anymore, so that was another change in their status, as was his own desire not to go back to the way things were – he'd felt like he betrayed himself by not standing up for what was right. Going back to the same old same old - Tony felt like he was selling himself out and he was tired of it. He was afraid that he was in danger of losing the part of himself that knew right from wrong and able to stand up and say NO.

So, what she held out to him was more than just a fresh start – it was a way to find his path back to himself. It was a way to have what he had longed for since he was a lonely neglected little boy who watched television shows so he got to experience family life vicariously because of lacking it in real life. It was a way to put distance between him and the job and people who had been so important to him for over a decade. It was a way to have what he'd been searching for ever since Wendy had run out on him on the eve of their wedding.

Both of them were desperate to have a family and, while he had his doubts about starting a relationship with her, he'd talked to several people he trusted in NCIS. Abby, Ducky, even Jimmy, all urged him to go for it, which surprised him a bit, claimed they were destined to get together and he'd be crazy to turn her down, so he'd decided to take the leap of faith and stay in Israel with her. The part of him that whispered about her explosive temper and violence, her pulling a loaded gun on him, her killing someone who wouldn't stop talking, he squashed that dissenting voice ruthlessly. Telling himself that her determination to start again, to earn redemption would see her leaving those negative aspects of her - her assassin side - behind her

And it wasn't as if he was perfect. He talked too much, simply to keep people at arm's length so that they didn't get too close to him as he had trouble trusting people. He annoyed the crap out of people with his endless chatter about movies and his inability to stay still. Not forgetting how he loved to play jokes on people, wanted them to let off steam since they had such a stressful, high pressure job, but his victims didn't always see things from his perspective. It was time to tone it down and become more serious, not to mention trying not to panic when people got close to him. And the habits of a lifetime would be difficult to break, but he was ready to give it a red hot shot so he had to believe that Ziva was genuine in her desire to start over.

And perhaps she really might have managed to leave that world of Mossad, spying, and assassinations behind her. If she hadn't killed Ilan Bodnar before she encountered her brother's lover. The problem was that avenging Eli had planted the seed of conflict that continued to fester within her over her brother. Of course, wanting to make amends for the harm she caused as an assassin was noble, but that desire was diametrically opposed to the fact she also hadn't extracted revenge for her brother like she'd done for her father. The problem being that she and Eli were responsible for Ari's death and the two objectives of revenge and making amends were therefore irreconcilable.

He'd only found out that Ziva had killed Ari, not Gibbs after he'd come to Israel when he heard her talking to her Aunt Nettie one night on the phone. It certainly explained why Gibbs didn't throw her off the team when Director Shepard foisted her onto the MCRT when Ari killed Cate. Gibbs had felt like he owed her, and the irony was that Gibbs didn't know she was following her father's orders. Tony wasn't sure how he'd have felt having her on the team if he'd know – because seriously, if she would kill her own brother for her father, she clearly wouldn't have hesitated to kill any of her NCIS team mates if he'd decreed it.

Tony cursed Gibbs and Vance for letting her, hell, for encouraging her to kill Bodnar to avenge Jackie and Eli when apparently they both knew she killed her own brother on the orders of her monster sperm donor. When he finally realised that her inability to reconcile two incompatible goals were slowly sending her to crazy town, he supported her decision to go back to Mossad when they offered her a job. It was his fervent hope that she'd realised that as much as you might wish to go back and make amends for what you'd done, it just wasn't possible. So, as much as he hated her returning to a world that she had left behind, that she had never really chosen to be in, a world she had wanted to leave behind, he supported her decision. Hopefully, having something else to focus her attention on would halt her descent into madness.

By then he figured out that he'd made a huge mistake in marrying her, but he felt that if he abandoned her then, she wouldn't survive another male letting her down. He'd mistaken loving her and being concerned for her with falling in love with her, but by the time he realised the difference, Tony was feeling way too guilty to leave her. Not when she was so fucking damaged by everything that had been done to her and by her.

Unfortunately, today when he finally worked out that the damage was so inherent, so deeply rooted, that she was beyond him being able to save even if he'd failed her, they had two innocent little girls and another baby on the way. He'd also racked up a boat load of concussions, broken bones, and numerous wounds from those damned knives of hers, and that wasn't the worst. Tony was forced to confront the truth that unless he did something drastic, their son, who wasn't even born yet, was destined to grow up to become a spy and assassin to fulfill some psychotic fantasy of hers in her trying to recreate Eli David.

It was his fault, though, for not leaving when he first realised that he had been fooling himself about being in love with Ziva. He didn't want to be like Senior or Gibbs, serial divorcers; besides, he'd vowed to marry for a lifetime, so he'd turned a blind eye to her abusiveness. It wasn't as if he hadn't done exactly the same thing on a regular basis before they'd gotten married, although he'd hoped that when she'd said she wanted a fresh start and gave up her job, she wouldn't have the need of it any longer.

Now he admitted that the only hope his son had to live a normal life - in fact, any chance for any of his children, was to disappear. He had no illusions that he could try to divorce Ziva and save their children - yet if she felt he threatened her plan to regain her father's approval by creating his clone with their son, she would eliminate him to stop it. He finally faced the terrible truth and realised that the Mossad officers assigned to watch the family of the associate director - the third highest officer in the agency, were not simply there for protection. They were there to prevent him from taking the kids and running away. He went searching the apartment and discovered listening devices and spy cameras and knew he must be extremely cautious.

First off, he had to make sure she didn't get suspicious. It was still two more months before their son was born. He wasn't going to go anywhere without him and, realistically, he would have to wait until the baby was at least a few months old before they fled. Besides, with who their mother was and the degree of madness that he was only now, when it was far too late to matter, willing to admit existed, he knew that if they simply disappeared, Ziva wouldn't rest until she tracked them down. And with the resources of Mossad to call upon, she would find them sooner or later – which wasn't an option.

It was unbelievably cruel, especially in light of her sister, but Tony realised that the only way to protect the children from their mother was to fake all their deaths in an explosion and then to disappear. To do that, though, he was going to need help. Help to fake their deaths, help to create ironclad new identities for them all, and help to disappear permanently.


	4. Chapter 4

Warnings: There is a major character death in this chapter.

A/N I was doing some research on the rise of domestic violence reporting in male survivors and found that even in 2015 there are people in health services and law enforcement who deny that men can be victims of violence or abuse by current partners or dates. For example, Australian stats between 2010- 12 show 30 percent of victims are male. 75 deaths occurred in that period and for violence by partners against men only a small proportion of violence was by males against male - the vast majority of violent acts and abuse were committed by females and that less than half as likely to have told anyone about it happening. That isn't reporting it - that is confiding in someone and when they do reach out for help, the services aren't available to men. One male who contacted a help line for assistance was told to admit he was the perpetrator so his partner could receive help and he could get therapy. Gee I wonder why they don't tell anyone!

It seems to me that instead of stamping out domestic violence and abuse for everyone, regardless of their gender, we are merely succeeding in women feeling empowered to become more violent, in the name of equality. And we are celebrating violent angry women who don't have coping skills, adopting them as role models - we call them kick-ass, assertive, strong, BAMF. We confuse anger with strength and confidence and isn't that sad.

Thanks to Arress for the beta and Frakkin Toasters for her feedback. Thanks to everyone who left reviews, read or are following.

Chapter 4

When Tony realised that in order to protect his children from their mother's madness, from her violent abuse, from her crazy obsession to create her son in her father's image, he'd have to fake their deaths and disappear and he knew he couldn't do it without expert help. At first, he was tempted to reach out to his old team, but they had loyalties to Ziva and, if she contacted them and they made her even slightly suspicious, it would give the game away. No, he corrected himself mentally, this wasn't a game; it was a matter of life and death. He couldn't afford to run the risk of trusting any of them – they had to believe that he and the children were dead, too. As hard as that was, if it was a choice between keeping the children safe and hurting his friends in DC, it really was no choice.

Tony briefly thought about asking Tobias Fornell to help him since the FBI agent was no particular fan of the David clan, but he ultimately discounted him since he wasn't sure if he might tip Gibbs off. Tony had heard via Abby that he and Diane had gotten back together again, only for her to be killed by some lunatic trying to get back at Gibbs. So, he wasn't sure how close he was to Gibbs these days, but Tony couldn't run the risk.

In the end, after a lot of angst, he decided to approach Tom Morrow. He needed someone stateside to access the trust fund he'd created from a good portion of the money his mother left him in a secret account, with which he'd created as a trust fund for the children he hoped to have with Wendy all those years ago. It had been invested for over 15 years and had grown into a considerable sum, and he was going to need to access it to pull this off.

He also needed someone to help him set up false identities for himself and his kids and Tom Morrow was one of the few people he still trusted. He'd never abused his position as the NCIS director for his personal gain or agenda. Even after he left to take up the deputy directorship of Homeland Security he'd still been looking out for his old agency because he had integrity. He'd tried to make Leon back off. Tried to stop Ziva going after Bodnar even if he hadn't ultimately been unsuccessful. Maybe he should have followed Morrow to OHS years ago – he certainly wouldn't be in this mess if he had.

Realizing that he also needed to find people in Israel to help him arrange their 'deaths', he knew that this was a critical decision. Over time, certain people had approached him, concerned about his welfare when they started to suspect that Ziva was hurting him and, of course, he was so into denial about what was going on that he covered up for her with the typical _I walked into a door_ shit _._ He thought about the people who pleaded with him to leave her before she killed him - Liat Tuvia when she'd dragged him off to the emergency department to get his fractured arm reduced, Malachi Ben-Gidon when she'd sliced him in an argument, and the Mossad operative who was on protection duty for the associate director, who'd efficiently sutured him up so he didn't have to leave his daughters to go to the ER yet again.

They weren't the only ones; Nettie had been on his case for a long time now. He'd assumed that Ziva's Aunt Nettie would be a wizened, eighty-year-old yenta, but it turned out that this was far from the truth. She wasn't even a real relative; she was actually a family friend. Originally a friend of Rivka David, Ziva's mother, and she was no fan of Eli and what he'd done to his children. Nettie was in her late sixties, English by birth, but she'd married an Israeli soldier who was one of Rivka's former beaux. He'd been tragically killed by a suicide bomber back in 2001. Even though she'd been a second mother to Tali and Ziva - especially after her mother died, Nettie had taken Tony, and later Aviva and Sarah, into her heart and home too.

Nettie had tried hard to talk him into leaving Israel from quite early on in their relationship, but Tony had been too intend upon saving Ziva from herself at the time. He kept telling himself that it wasn't that bad, that things would improve when, in fact, the situation continued to deteriorate. The truth was he felt like it was his fault - that he'd gotten what he deserved for marrying her when he wasn't truly in love with her, so he felt he owed it to her not to cut and run when she was clearly in trouble. Tony was pretty sure that Nettie would help him to get their children out of the country and keep their secret because he'd overheard her talking, and no one ever twigged that he'd learnt to speak Hebrew soon after moving there.

He wasn't sure why, because he already spoke Italian and Spanish, it shouldn't have been that much of a surprise that he could pick up languages relatively easily, but he guessed most of them thought of him as the agent meatball persona that Ziva had profiled him as. Still, he'd never bother to reveal that he understood conversations that were carried on in Hebrew, ostensibly to shut him out of the discussion, since when he'd suggested that he learn it early on when they first got together, Ziva had been violently opposed to the idea. Now he was glad he'd kept it to himself, as well as the fact that he was fluent in French.

With a mother who was English and from a blue-blood 'old money' family, she had spoken French almost like a native, spending summers on the French Riviera at the family chateau. So, he grew up speaking it as a child, even if after her death Tony never spoke it again until he went backpacking to Europe when he was at college, and he had been surprised at how easily he'd picked it up again as he travelled through France and Belgium and that his accent was so good. It was almost flawless but with a trace of English – not surprising since his mother had an English accent.

So, no one knew that he could speak the language, with the possible exception of his father and the people he worked with back in Peoria. He'd learnt though that speaking three languages ended up with him being used as a translator more times than a cop so he tended to keep the fact that he spoke Italian and French under his hat when he changed jobs and only copped to speaking Spanish since it was a useful language for law enforcement professionals to speak. Besides it never fit with his just a dumb jock image to admit he was fluent in three other languages. Although in his undercover gig with the mafia it had become obvious that he spoke Italian but speaking French had never come to light. He was sure that Ziva never knew, despite her profile or that they posed a French speaking assassins not long after she joined the team. Since she spoke French there was no need to let the cat out of the bag, fortunately.

So apart from his father, who was always drunk when Tony was growing up and he really doubted that Senior would even recall he could speak French as a child, he very much doubted that anyone from his Peoria days would remember which languages he spoke. Tony figured that when they disappeared, he would take the children to France or better yet to French speaking Quebec to start over with new identities. Less chance of running into anyone he knew in Montreal and to be on the safe side he would be half English, moving to France with his family when he was ten years old to explain why he spoke French with a slight English accent.

If Nettie agreed to help him to get the children away, he figured that she would know who to approach to help him fake their deaths and then get them out of the country. Since her husband, Yaakov, had been a high ranking Brigadier General in the Israeli Defense Forces, she had military connections. Tony was wary of involving anyone from Mossad, even if Liat and Malachi seemed to be on his side, but hopefully Nettie had the contacts that could help fake their deaths and help them get out of the country untraced.

12th April 2018

Eight months after he decided that he needed to take their children and disappear, Tony knew the time had come. Ziva's descent into madness continued its inexorable path, and he knew that it was time. If they delayed any longer, she would either kill him or he'd be forced to do what he didn't want to - kill his children's mother in self -defense, because he knew that it would be the only way to stop her. In the six months since Eli Jacob DiNozzo had been born, she was becoming increasingly violent and unpredictable. He'd had numerous fractured ribs, had punctured a lung, and had suffered several serious concussions. But today when he stopped her spanking Vivy for spilling her cup of juice on her dress, she'd held a knife to his throat. Tony was under no illusion that he was going to die when Eli had woken from his nap and started crying.

Ziva was totally besotted with her son; she'd breastfed him, unlike Sarah, who she'd refused to feed. In fact, she still hadn't bonded with their second child even after Eli's birth. It was as if Rory didn't exist to her, while Vivy was acknowledged, albeit cursorily, and Eli had become the focus of all her love - the apple of her eye. Tony knew that if he wasn't successful at leaving with their three children, in her madness, she would destroy all three. Tony had accepted that he wasn't able to save Ziva from her demons, she would have to save herself but he could save her children. He could make sure the cycle of madness didn't carry over into the next generation.

He contacted Nettie on a burn phone using a code phrase that they'd worked out previously – ' _Abandon Ship'_ \- to tell her that he and the children had to move immediately. Even if they all preferred to have more time to plan everything out, their time to plan had come to an end.

18th April 2018 DC

Abby Sciuto ran into the bullpen, her face streaked with black tears, throwing herself into Gibbs' arms as she sobbed hysterically.

"Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs. Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod. There was a car bombing in Tel Aviv. It was an American male and three children and they were all killed immediately." She sobbed inconsolably. "Promise me it wasn't Tony and my nieces and nephew, Gibbs. Tell me it wasn't them!"

Gibbs calmed her as best as he could, knowing that their best bet was to call Tony and Ziva's cells and for Leon to make enquiries through official channels to Orli Elbaz. He was sure that DiNozzo wasn't the only American living in Israel with three kids, but on the other hand, as the spouse of an associate director of Mossad, Tony and their kids would be prime targets for terrorists.

20th April 2018

Abby entered Autopsy, sniffling pathetically. She desperately needed to talk to Ducky about what she'd discovered. As she entered Ducky's realm, she staggered under the grief-laden atmosphere that was evident in this coldly impersonal place where Ducky and Jimmy presided and the dead told their final tales.

The whole agency was in mourning since they'd received confirmation that one of their own, former Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, and his three children, Aviva Clare age three, Sarah Aurora almost two years old, and little six-month-old Eli Jacob, had died in a terrorist car bombing on their way to the park to play. There was a pall over the building, but nowhere was it more apparent than in Dr. Donald Mallard's domain, where he and Jimmy Palmer were engulfed in deep sadness and guilt. Both had been the most vocal in encouraging Tony to leave the MCRT and seize the chance for happiness instead of returning to the fold, and now they were feeling guilty for urging him to move to Israel.

Ducky had done so because after his brush with death he'd begun to examine his life and found his chief regret was not having a family, even if Jimmy had become like a son to him over the years. Jimmy had advised Tony to stay in Israel with Ziva because he was so happy after marrying Breena and they had been desperate to start a family and felt like everyone should experience his level of bliss. Now he felt guilty because if they hadn't exhorted him to move halfway across the world and take a chance, he would still be alive.

"Ducky, I need you to look at these medical records. I think they've made a mistake. I don't think it was Tony in that car," Abby burst out excitedly.

Looking at her sadly, he hugged her gently and pushed her down into a chair.

"Sit, my dear child," he spoke soothingly, pushing his own grief aside as he stared at Abby. She was a mess. The Goth had refused to sleep, stubbornly refused to believe that it had been Anthony in the car with his three precious babies. Insisting it was a mistake, just like when his Mustang was blown up when he was undercover with La Grenouille - that he would call and say it was just a terrible mistake.

"But Ducky, I hacked into the records of the Abu Kabir Forensic Institute to make sure that they had Tony's medical records to work off, and I found that they've mixed his up with someone else's. I cross checked them with the one on file here at NCIS and there are all these admissions and visits to the ER for broken bones, concussions, and knife wounds - well, this can't be his. Tony was working as a musician and soccer coach until Ziva went back to working at Mossad and he became a stay-at-home dad when Aviva was born. This has to be someone else's medical records, Ducky, because there's no way he could've been injured so many times or so seriously. You have to contact them and tell them they've made a mistake. I have to talk to Ziva, but she won't take my calls."

Ducky looked at Abby, her eyes were wild, her face was pale, but not from make-up. She was barely coherent, and he was grateful that Ziva hadn't taken her call. He doubted that the devastated woman would want to deal with their panic-stricken forensic scientist at the moment. He nodded to his assistant and Jimmy made Abby a cup of tea, laced with a sedative since she needed to sleep and, once she was stretched out in his office, he turned his attention to the medical file that Abby had 'obtained' from Israel, Jimmy reading over his shoulder in disgust.

He looked at his protégé, sickened by what they read. They both knew this was Tony's file, but they were horrified at all the hospital admissions since his arrival in Israel. There was a splenectomy performed after he was stabbed by a knife as well as a fractured skull, a fractured zygomatic arch, along with the many other injuries, all of which Tony had explained away to the attending doctor by him walking into doors and walls and falling down stairs. Ducky knew that he was looking at the medical records of someone who was exposed to sustained domestic violence, and he was shocked. Jimmy was appalled and found it hard to believe it of Ziva, and yet medical records, x-rays, and photographs didn't lie. Tony had lived through hell for the last few years of his life.

"Why didn't he come to us, Dr Mallard? Why would she do this?"

5th February 2019

Leroy Jethro Gibbs arrived home, having closed the case of a petty officer who'd been convinced his wife was cheating on him and had killed her with a sledge hammer before committing 'suicide by cop' when the MCRT caught up with him. Their investigation had revealed that the wife had endured three years of domestic abuse, including a beating while pregnant that lead to a miscarriage before she had finally decided to leave him.

As far as they could determine, the wife wasn't having an affair, but had approached an underground women's collective to help her leave her husband. Gibbs had encountered a few of these groups that were organised like a resistance movement during the Second World War where escaped prisoners or those at risk were passed along a chain. It worked on the basis of no one knowing more than one of the links in the chain so that no one knew where the survivors finally ended up. Unfortunately, the petty officer's wife never made it that far.

Domestic violence cases like this one were always hard on the team, somehow it always seemed much worse when it was service personnel or LEOs that beat up their partners. Partly because they were held to a higher standard of conduct than the regular members of the public and partly because they had weapons training and instruction in unarmed combat, so they were highly dangerous and possessed potentially lethal skills. All of which had been obtained on the taxpayers' dime.

So, Gibbs was exhausted and he immediately put on a pot of coffee upon entering his house, noticing that the light was flashing on his landline phone indicating he had a message awaiting him. Pouring himself a cup of coffee, he walked over and hit play before sinking down on the couch to listen to the message.

"Gibbs." Ziva's voice was strained. "I just wanted to tell you that the voices won't stop whispering to me. The dead won't stay dead. Ari, my father, all of the others. They won't let me find peace, but I know what I have to do to get them out of my back..."

 _'_ _Off your back,'_ he mentally corrected the woman who was like a daughter to him.

"…I cannot make amends until I avenge Ari's death. Why did you not stop me when I went after Bodnar, Gibbs? You and Vance should have stopped me since you knew I killed my brother. How could I avenge Aba and not avenge my own brother? They will not stop tormenting me. How could you not know that this would destroy me? Tony was the only one who tried to stop me and he did not even know that I had killed my brother, yet he knew that killing Bodnar would not make me feel better. And instead of thanking him for trying to save me from myself, I used him as a punching bag, came close to killing him so many times when my rage erupted. I knew he would not leave and I used his weakness against him.

"Just like Vance used my weakness against me and did not care what it would do to me so long as Jackie was avenged. But why did you not stop me? You more than anyone else had to know that it did not solve anything or you would not still be trapped in your own guilt, grief, and anger 25 years later. You were the closest thing I had to a real father, Gibbs. Why were you not there when I needed you to say no to me?"

The incoherent ranting ended as he heard sobs before she whispered, "Goodbye, Father. I am sorry, Ari… forgive me. Wait, I am coming, Tali."

He heard a gunshot, a crash, and then absolute silence.

Ziva David's final descent into madness was complete!


	5. Chapter 5

A/N Thanks to everyone who left reviews and are following or reading. this is the final chapter - I know - it was surprisingly brief for me. Who knew!

Thanks as always to Arress and Frakking Toasters for their help.

Abandon Ship: A Fresh Start

Chapter 5

2nd March 2019

Nettie Rosenberg told her friends and family in Israel that she had decided to visit her birthplace after the death of her surrogate daughter, Ziva David. Her death had crushed the usually lively older woman and everyone thought a trip was a good idea. On her way to Britain, she stopped off in the US and took a flight to Montreal, Canada.

She took a cab out to the on island suburb of Pointe Claire to the home of Dion Claude Fourier and his three children, Rochelle Jolie who was almost four and a half, Aimee Roxanne who was almost three, and Michel Lucien who was sixteen months old. Dion was a widower, bringing up his children like many other single parents - he'd moved to Quebec from France after her death from cancer. The widower was a teacher who'd quickly found a job at the local high school teaching history and drama and coaching the girls' and boys' basketball teams.

Nettie paid the cab driver and knocked at the front door of their comfortable home, but couldn't make anyone hear. Seeing the car in the drive, she deduced that Dion had already collected the children from daycare and brought them home. Following the sounds of childish laughter and shouts, she found her way out back to the yard and found them running around together with their papa, playing tag. Dion immediately felt they were being watched and spun around, staring at Nettie by the side gate.

"Nettie," he greeted her, frowning. "What are you doing here?"

"It's all right, Anthony. I came to tell you that Ziva is dead. She killed herself last month. You and the children are safe now." She told him gently as she tried not to break down. Her surrogate daughter had been in turmoil for a very long time, long before she married and Nettie hoped that she was at peace now. At least she hadn't been able to destroy her beautiful babies or drag them down with her. It was best this way, even though it hurt.

Tony gathered the older woman who had saved his family into his arms and hugged her, as they both sobbed. A part of him still loved Ziva, even after everything she'd put him through - he always would, but a part of him knew that she had simply been too damaged to be saved. That even before he met her, the seeds had been planted for her ultimate destruction.

As Nettie sat in the yard watching the three little ones running around playing, she thought about another threesome that had played together in Tel Aviv as she and Rivka watched, feeling incredibly sad for Ari, Tali, and Ziva, all of them gone now. Such a terrible waste, and she thanked God that Anthony - no, Dion now - was nothing like Eli.

As Dion came out carrying iced tea for them and snacks for the children, Nettie was thrilled to see them all opening up like little flowers as they soaked up the sun. Back in Israel, the two little girls had always been on edge, afraid to make a mess, or be loud, to laugh. They had been like little adults, and now they were free to be children, and she was so happy to see it, while Eli - Michel (and she was so glad that the innocent little boy wasn't going to have to bear that monster's name any more) was full of mischief and smiles, even if he wasn't as verbal as his sisters had been at the same age.

As the children finished their fruit and returned to their games, running back frequently to interact with their father, Nettie could see he was far away. "Maybe if I'd dragged her back to the US, Nettie. She had people there that cared about her - maybe I could've made her go and get help. I didn't want her to kill herself.

"I knew she was seriously invested in having a son, but I never thought she'd kill herself when we left. I just wanted the kids to grow up safe and able to be whoever it is they want to be - not spies and assassins."

"Anthony - if you'd tried to force her, Ziva would've killed you. She nearly did on a number of occasions. My dear, once she avenged Eli's death, she was always living on borrowed time since she couldn't reconcile the conflict between avenging her father and taking her brother's life. No one should be ordered to kill their sibling by their own father.

"Her death was not your fault. I understand that right before she died, she told your former boss that you were the only one who tried to stop her killing Bodnar. But there are others who must share some of the responsibility for pushing her over the edge into insanity, dear boy. The director of NCIS and Jethro Gibbs both knew about Eli ordering her to kill her brother - they should have known that letting her go after Eli's killer would place her in a moral and ethical landmine, but they let her go. After that, it was just a matter of time." Nettie didn't tell him that Gibbs had been forced to listen to her kill herself over the phone.

Neither of them spoke for a long time, just watched the three siblings.

Finally Tony sighed. "Where are you staying, Nettie?" he asked her quietly. "There's a spare room you're welcome to because Chelle and Aimee share a room still," he offered.

Nettie smiled. "Thank you. I'd like that very much."

Later that evening after feeding the children and putting them to bed, they sat down and Nettie told him how Ziva was laid to rest alongside her mother and sister Tali. How her NCIS family had come to their funeral, how Ducky had questioned her about him - somehow he had gotten hold of his medical records after his death and knew about the abuse and the times he'd nearly died. How when Gibbs had come for her funeral he'd mentioned that Ziva had expressed remorse for his abuse and how Jethro looked old, gray, and haggard - soul sick Nettie had declared unsympathetically, blaming him for not trying to stop Ziva from killing Ilan Bodnar.

Finally, she asked him what had been on her mind ever since she heard about her surrogate daughter's death. "What will you do now, Anthony? You can return to Israel or go back home to the US."

He frowned. "I'm not sure, Nettie. I don't think I'll go back to Israel; there are still so many people who hate the Davids and might try to extract revenge on Eli's grandchildren. And people would probably blame me for her death, like they blamed me for killing Michael so I don't think it would be real smart." He saw her disappointment and smiled sadly. "Doesn't mean that I want to cut you out of the children's lives. They need a grandmother and you can come to visit us now."

Seeing her overcome with emotion as she tried to compose herself, he continued thinking out loud. "I'm not sure I'll go back to DC or even the US. I'm all the children have since I wouldn't trust my kids to Senior if anything happened to me, and I don't have anyone else."

"What about your friends at NCIS?" Nettie probed.

"No, I don't think so. All the crap with Mossad and terrorists and the revenge that Gibbs seems to live and breathe - how he pisses people off. The kids could be targets for the crazies. Someone killed an ex-wife of his because he didn't have anyone closer now that his father is gone. I'll be damned if the children are going to be dragged into the madness that he seems to need to exist on."

"Will you let your friends know you and the children are alive?"

"Honestly, Nettie, I'm not sure. I'll have to think about that. Maybe in time. Maybe if Gibbs retires... maybe. I just don't know what to do. I just wish that we had some support here, but perhaps now I can let people in a little. Accept help when it's offered."

Nettie nodded; it must have been hard to have the three children and be in hiding with no backup. Perhaps it was time for her to leave Israel - her husband had been dead for a long time and they had never been able to have children, so she didn't really have irrevocable ties to the country - especially now that Ziva was gone, too.

"Darling, how would you feel about going to England? You're half English after all and I could come home. I have nieces and nephews, and I'm a great auntie many times over, so your little ones could grow up amongst family and you would have the support you need." She stopped, seeing him getting teary-eyed, and she wondered what she said that upset him. "What's wrong?"

"No one's called me that in a very long time," he explained, emotionally. "Not since my mother."

Nettie stared at him for a long moment before hugging him, knowing he never talked about his family. "Ducky mentioned that there was evidence in your medical file that points to systemic childhood abuse?"

Tony sighed. "I loved my mother, but she was so damned troubled. And when she drank, she turned into someone cruel with a terrible temper. Not that she was Robinson Crusoe. Senior was a mean drunk, but most of the time he used his tongue to beat me up rather than his fists, except when I deserved it, and then he would just not be able to stop once he started." Tony confessed before explaining about the time he ended up in hospital when he used his father's designer snow suit to make a Halloween costume. His dad seemed to have no memories of those horrific times and he supposed it was due to the amount of alcohol he was consuming back then.

Nettie had known that he was probably a child from an abusive home, it would explain why he tolerated so much from his team - he thought it was perfectly normal. It also explained why he let Ziva beat him, nearly kill him. Even before they were together, she had seen the Mossad security footage of Ziva knocking him to the ground and him not raising a hand to stop her or fight back. She'd watched in horror as Ziva held a loaded gun to his chest before shifting it to his leg, knowing that if she had pulled the trigger, she would have severed an artery and he would have bled out.

Nettie moved closer on the couch to the man who had been moved to tears by a simple endearment, unable to deal with tenderness, but able to survive so many years of abuse. Wrapping her arms around him, she whispered, "Thank you, Darling."

Trying not to break down he asked her, "What for?"

"For being a survivor… for finding the courage to leave and take those angels with you... for saving Ziva.'

"But I didn't save her," Tony faltered, tears spilling out despite his need to remain in control.

"But you did, Darling, you saved the very best part of her - they're upstairs sleeping. The part of her that was worth saving. Rivka would be so grateful if she was here for what you've done for her daughter and grandchildren," she told him solemnly, holding him firmly as he finally broke down and let it all out.

Nettie Rosenberg, with the inexorable march of time, had found herself wondering if her life had taken a different path, if she'd made different choices, would her life had been better? What if she'd married her first love, Edward Worthington? Would she be matriarch of her own large family since her beloved Yaakov hadn't been able to have children? For the most part, she had been content to make do with other people's children because she was deeply in love with her husband, but after his death, she had begun to question her choices.

Now she knew that everything had worked out exactly how it was meant to be. She had been sent to Israel and been waiting until now to not just be the grandmother that Anthony and Ziva's children needed, but to be a mother to the children's father. Nettie vowed that she would make sure that he not only learned to accept kindness and tenderness, but that he deserved to be treated with nothing less than love and respect by his friends and colleagues. She was determined that when he was finally ready to let someone special into his life that it would be someone who deserved his love and loyalty and wouldn't abuse him.

Perhaps God had sent her to Israel to meet Anthony DiNozzo so she could teach him about a mother's love, and that's what she intended to do.

~o0O0o~

End Notes:

This story was never meant to be a happy Tiva story because I believe it would be the worst thing that could happen to Tony if he ever started a relationship with her … or any of the team. For anyone who isn't familiar with my stories, I'm not a fan of pairing Tony off with anyone on the team – I'm an equal opportunity feral anti-team shipper. There are plenty of reasons why but the Cliffs Notes version is that afaic, based on canon, the way the team individually and collectively relate to and treat Tony, extending that relationship into a personal one with any of them would amount to little more than domestic and emotional abuse.


End file.
